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Elohim Podcast
Welcome to Elohim Podcast, a podcast about real life issues from a biblical perspective. We want to show love without compromising the truth. The bible teaches us how to live a righteous life style, yet understanding that we are imperfect. Join us on this journey as we give different perspectives a voice.
Elohim Podcast
God Healed Me From an Abusive and Toxic Relationship ft. Jeanette Faudoa
Jeanette's powerful testimony on how God healed her from a toxic and abusive relationship was inspiring. Jeanette is now mentoring and helping troubled youth. We invite you to open up a dialogue about the redemptive power of faith and the human capacity for resilience. Whether you're the singular spiritual torchbearer in your family or someone who's known the darkness of abuse, this episode stands as a testament to the transformation that's possible when we lean on faith and the support of those who've walked similar paths.
The complexities of balancing a life of service often go unseen, especially when you're leading the charge in worship and ministry. Our conversation with Jeanette dives into the very heart of this delicate juggle, where the lines between faith, family, and self-care are as fine as they are crucial. Listeners who find themselves pouring out love and guidance in their communities will find camaraderie and valuable insights here. We delve into the importance of nurturing a personal relationship with God that goes beyond the obligations of ministry, and how to avoid the ever-looming threat of burnout.
#podcast #hope #love #purpose #motivation #faith #jesus #relationshipadvice #relationships #toxicrelationships #christian
I was scared, you know, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. That cussing started to him touching me. He would like grab me by my wrist really hard and he would leave bruises on my arm, on my wrist. The first time, like I couldn't believe it, because I was like did he really put his hands on me?
Speaker 2:Like he literally hit you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he literally like punched me in the face.
Speaker 2:He punched you in the face, yeah hit you, yeah, he literally like punched me in the face.
Speaker 2:He punched you in the face. Yeah, he did. Welcome to Elohim Podcast, a podcast about real life issues from a biblical perspective. On this podcast, we don't just want to be entertained. We want to be changed. Listen to the end to hear what God has for your life. Elohim Podcast. Welcome to Elohimhim podcast, a podcast about real life issues from a biblical perspective. Today we got Jeanette. Jeanette, how's it going? Thank you for coming on to the podcast. It's a blessing to have you. How do you feel? How you been?
Speaker 1:oh, I've been good. It's definitely a blessing and honor to be here. You know it's my first podcast ever. I'm super excited I'm finally ready to share my testimony.
Speaker 2:No, definitely. I know you shared that with me. I know you're not camera shy because you've been making all these TikToks and they be going viral and you've been giving me these tips behind the scenes, so I know you're not camera shy. And then at church, you know you'll be leading worship, yeah, so you're used to streaming live and all that stuff yeah, but obviously you know I still get a little bit nervous. But we're, we're working on it so how did you start making tiktoks? And, for those that are watching, what is your TikTok?
Speaker 1:handle. It's Jovnetty J-E-V-N-E-T-T-Y the plug, Definitely. When I started TikTok, when I started getting more attention on the app, the platform in general, I saw them and I saw it and I told myself, like I'm never going to make TikToks, like I'm never going to get into TikToks never, none of that. You know, until one day I was like you know what, like I'll give it a shot because I saw how much attention and you know how people were getting so much views, how people were getting famous and views, how people were getting famous and you know all of that. So when I was deciding to give it a shot, I was starting it for the wrong reasons, you know, and that's because I knew that people were getting attention. I knew that people were were getting the fame, you know.
Speaker 2:So in a way, that's what I had in mind, you know do you think people are addicted to getting like, likes, comments, attention, views and do you think that's kind of like unhealthy because it makes people like depend? Their happiness depends on that stuff. Did you ever feel like that?
Speaker 1:um, not a little bit, yes, but I kind of felt like, you know, if I posted a video and it didn't get a lot of views, it didn't get a lot of likes, but I knew that it was about God. You know, I didn't really care as long as I reached one soul and I'm like I did my job.
Speaker 2:Do you think that's why sometimes people that know that they could make Christian content and share a message about Jesus, christian content and share a message about jesus, do you think that sometimes they think about it twice because they know that they?
Speaker 1:might sacrifice a couple views. A couple, yes, yes, definitely it. It's because it's talking about god. It brings a lot of different. You know hate or bad comments or those religious people you know, but I always tell people. People ask me the same thing. You know hate or bad comments or those religious people you know, but I always tell people people ask me the same thing. You know, and I always tell people like why are you going to be shy, why are you going to be nervous? And and keep the love of God and keep the word of God in yourself and not say it out in public and say it in front of people, because when Jesus died on the cross, he did it in public.
Speaker 1:He didn't do it. You know in the, in the secret. You know he did it publicly, in front of everybody.
Speaker 2:I mean, I agree with you. If nobody on your social media and nobody at your school, if your friends don't know that you're Christian, are you really christian? Yeah, because I think that you know. You show on social media what you care about, what you love, what you're interested, and I told victor the producer. I told him, if you want to know who you are and get a glimpse because I know sometimes it's on the surface level, but if you want to know who you are, just look at your algorithm yeah look at what your algorithm is feeding you, because your algorithm is never going to feed you something that you don't like, something that doesn't please you.
Speaker 2:So if you're getting a lot of something, that means you like it and it might represent who you are as a person. So I'm like man. I haven't got any Jesus in my Christian. No, man, I haven't got any Jesus. Am I Christian? No, but how did you go from you know? You said you started for the with the wrong reasons. You know, maybe not necessarily you know for God or anything like that, but I've seen a couple you know videos of you sharing God. How did you transition into making videos that share a positive message?
Speaker 1:um, I feel like when I started that TikTok, I was going through a process and I wasn't necessarily focusing on my relationship with God, but then when God kept calling me, you know, and I was like, okay, god, you know, it's time for me, to a hundred percent, you know, I'm a fully commit to you, you know. So that includes everything, including my tiktok, you know, and I even went back, you know, at the time, to delete old videos, to delete them, and before the pastor sees them, you're like oh lord, god forgive me.
Speaker 2:Oh, my pastor can't see this.
Speaker 1:God forbid so no, it's just like how am I going to really commit to God? And then people look back at my TikToks and they're like, hey, she's doing this, she's doing that. You know, that's not representing God, that's not representing the love of God. Right, you know? And I looked at it as in like if I was somebody else and I knew that this person is Christian, or you know they go to church and I knew that this person is Christian, or you know they go to church and I look at my TikTok, you know, is it really representing God? And it wasn't, you know. So then that's when I switched my perspective and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna start doing this for God. I'm gonna start, you know, spreading the love of God and trying to get those souls through TikTok. You know, because, like I said, tiktok is a big platform.
Speaker 2:It's a big platform. Christian TikTok.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, what you're saying is powerful. I think that if God were to look at our Instagram, at our TikTok, at our Snapchat, would he be happy with this. Would he be proud to call us his son and his daughter? Yeah, like, I've asked myself that I'm like man. Am I really glorifying the Lord? Am I really pleasing? Because it's one thing you know salvation is free, it's granted to anybody. God can be your savior, but is he the Lord of your life? That's a difference. Yeah, when you make God the Lord of your life. You even said I had to surrender my TikTok. I had to surrender so many different things because no longer he wasn't just my, my healer, my savior, my father, my friend. He was now the Lord of my life, the ruler of me. I no longer live, but God lives in me, right, so to live is to die is gain, but to live is Christ. Yes, so you, you made a lot of sacrifices. What are the are some of the sacrifices you made as a worship leader.
Speaker 1:There's a lot so, and it's not necessarily just worship leader, but because I am a worship leader, I have to be attending church more, you know. So if you didn't know our services, for example, you know we have services Tuesdays, 7 pm, house of Prayer. We have Wednesdays, house of Peace, which is kind of like Bible study. I lead, I lead, I'm a leader, hop leader, that's what we call it. And Thursdays we have practice. A hip hop leader what no? A hop A hop. She leads Drake on Tuesdays, short for House of Peace. Okay, hop leader. So that's every Wednesday. Thursdays we have practice, worship practice, and every Friday we have youth services or kids services at the end of the month. Saturdays sometimes it just depends Maybe we'll have a conference or the youth will get together and have a prayer night, and Sundays are all day.
Speaker 2:Sundays are there all day, 1 pm and 6 pm is our so do you have like a room somewhere in the church, like with a bedroom? They need to get a green room for you guys, somewhere where you guys can touch up your hair or something. No, I definitely can identify with you. On mondays, we have prayer. Tuesdays, the women have bible study. Wednesday, we have our impact. Wed have prayer. Tuesdays, the women have Bible study. Wednesday, we have our impact Wednesday nights. Thursday, the men have Bible studies. And then Fridays, we have our YA. You're invited to come whenever we are doing something amazing.
Speaker 2:Every Friday we have around like 200 250 Victor can testify to that young adults, we pack out the house and God is doing something amazing. I am privileged to be part of the worship team but to also preach on those Friday nights. And then Saturdays, for the most part we have them free, unless we have like an event or something like you said. And then Sundays all day, we get to church at six. Well, not church. We have a grown our church. Our church fits around like 250 people, but we're on Sundays, we're more than that. So we have to rent a Westview High School, oh, wow. And at Westview High School we rent out the gymnasium, the caffeinasium, sorry, and we set up chairs from scratch. At 6 in the morning, we set up the stage, the sound, the chairs, the projectors Every Sunday, every Sunday, from scratch.
Speaker 2:We have two services the 9 am service and the 1130 am service. So we're going at it with everything and, you know, sometimes people see the glory, they see like they see. Oh, I want to be on stage, I want to be on the pulpit, I want to be on the microphone, I want to serve, but little do they know all the sacrifices that come with. Yeah, like sometimes, to say yes to God, you have to say no to the world. Exactly, you have to say no to your friends, to your family, to your family. But you know what?
Speaker 2:I'm also a believer, a great believer of balance. I believe that it's God first, family and then your ministry. But for some, their God is their ministry and their ministry has become their God, just because you go to church and you're preaching and all this doesn't mean you're necessarily putting God first. Putting God first is having that genuine relationship, that prayer life, that devotional life, being obedient to him. That's putting God first. Then it's your family, because your family is your first ministry. But I sometimes think that in the process. I think that's why there's a lot of pastor's kids that leave church, because they grow resentful. They saw that their parents missed birthdays, that they never took a break, that they never went on vacation, that they took food out of their mouth to give it to that person in need and they end up putting ministry before their own family.
Speaker 2:And what good is it for me to preach? And all this and and and? God has convicted me, you know, and it's something that I'm working. I'm trying. I'm really trying to be a better husband, I'm really trying to be a better father, and sometimes I struggle with that, sometimes I don't know how to do it, sometimes I feel like I'm failing God in certain areas, because maybe it's the guilt of the enemy, maybe it's, you know, not necessarily conviction, but I don't want to be somebody that's over here saving a thousand souls but I'm losing my family. Oh, yeah, being faithful to church is great. Yeah, being committed is great, but you also have to take those moments where you take some time with your family and as you get older and I'm sure you're going to get married eventually, and soon, right, Sooner than later.
Speaker 2:I don't know. Don't put it on the spot.
Speaker 1:I hope so.
Speaker 2:If you're watching, you know who you are. She's ready. But it's important because this is something I admire about my pastor John. He, yes, he goes hard for God, like, like I admire him. He's there at six in the morning with the rest of the team, like he's setting up just like we are setting up, but I I love that he's always at his son's basketball games. I love that he's always at his son's basketball games. I love that he's always making time for his family. I love that sometimes after Sundays he'll still go out to the park with his kids. I love that sometimes, after a heavy week of ministry, I see them go to California on a trip. You know, and I think those things are necessary, yeah, because I'm sure you made some sacrifices.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Are there any sacrifices you made as a worship leader that you say, like man, I regret it?
Speaker 1:Being completely honest, Not necessarily regret it. I'm not going to say regret it, because the sacrifices that I'm referring to is family, like you said.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is family, like you said. Yeah, you know, um, I'm the only one in my family that really is a hundred percent in the ministry and with God. You know so many times like I'm big in family and my family is big in getting together and I have a lot of nieces and nephews, you know, and there's always birthdays, like today there was a birthday. I couldn't make it, you know, but oh man, it's OK, don't blame me.
Speaker 2:I did not tell her to miss the birthday party.
Speaker 1:No, he didn't. I'm going to be there, even though it's late. She's going to come with a gift card signed by Elohim podcast but, um, definitely those are one of the sacrifices not being able to always be with family, and you know like we always have so much fun as a family. You know talking or just anything in general. We like to go out to the movies, we like to go get some antojitos or go eat and you know stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Like being on family and many times I had to miss out on that. You know, like 90% of the time, because I tell them you know what, and they know, like they know, that my ministry and my relationship with God comes first. You know, and, like you said, there's a balance. Yeah, there's a balance. You know, because many times you know I'm still there's a balance. Yeah, there's a balance. You know, because many times you know I'm still there, I still hang out with them, I still see my family and and things like that. You know, um, but they know that, you know I I have to be there, you know, most of the time of the of the week.
Speaker 2:You know what is your perspective on secular music? Because, um, sometimes people will be like, oh, I don't have any problem with secular music. I I believe that I can worship god in eyes and I can still listen to um drake, to peso pluma. Um, what is your perspective on that?
Speaker 1:oh, I've definitely gotten that question asked to me before and it's simple, like, because they asked me, like, hey, like, is this song good? Like it doesn't say any cuss words, it's about love, and I'm just like OK, here's the question Does it glorify God? And if it doesn't, then it's secular music. You know, because, like, yes, you can turn a love song into like your love for God, you know, but the artist, that wasn't their intention, you know. So secular music is really hard because there's catchy music out there, like you know, like the rhythm, especially catchy TikTok audience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, exactly. But if it doesn't glorify god, if it doesn't bring out the glory, if you don't feel his presence through a worship song or a praise song, you know it's just not worth listening to. And there was a time where I was struggling with secular music, you know. It was kind of during like high school and kind of getting out of high school and until I came into like a breaking point. You know, because secular music doesn't bring you anything good, you know. It brings you like, let's say, you're listening to a sad song, you're just gonna get more sad, that's true you're listening to, um, a song that brings violence, and that's all you're going to want to do, you know.
Speaker 1:So it's like it just doesn't bring anything good. You know, and there was that breaking point where I realized that and I deleted all my secular music. I deleted all of it and I made my worship playlist and that's all I would listen to. And, yeah, that's. I had to make that, that sacrifice, sacrifice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that music is super powerful. Imagine watching a movie and there's no music I'm just talking about instrumental music. Or going to a sporting event and there's no music. Or going to a party, right a family party and there's like no kids party music. Music has the power of creating an atmosphere, of creating an environment, and when you say I'm listening to music and I feel depressed and all that, and if I listen to sad music, I'm just going to dig a deeper hole.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and what people don't know is that music is the only thing here that's on earth that wasn't created on earth. Music comes from heaven. Music comes, you know, they don't know that Lucifer Satan, he was the most beautiful Geroene right An angelan. He, he said he was the most beautiful gatorween right an angel, and he said that even his, his wings flapped and they made music and he orchestrated it and he felt like a fallen angel and, um, I'm sure that he uses music as a weapon. I feel like there's music out there that's, you know, music that you can use that spiritual warfare. There's music that's about healing. There's a. There's worship music or praise music about joy and freedom. Yes, but in the same way, I know that there's people that are captive to certain things because they're feeding their soul music that, subliminally, is keeping them captive yes so it's just, it's just powerful.
Speaker 2:Now the only thing is like the. The counter argument that maybe somebody can make is well, you're saying, music that doesn't have curse words, music that doesn't have anything, you're like, well, anything that doesn't glorify God, you shouldn't listen to it. But what if somebody says, well, do you go to the movies and watch movies? You're like, well, yeah, do you watch a show on Netflix? Yeah, do you watch sports that doesn't glorify God, but you're watching it. So it's a conversation that can go different directions, right.
Speaker 2:But I think that's why the word of God says for all has sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I think that sometimes, if God is convicting us of something, we should follow God's conviction and follow the Holy Spirit for our lives and our families and the people that were that we lead over, that we pastor over. But we shouldn't become self-righteous and say, oh, because of them listening to that, they're going to hell. Yes, because at the end of the day, if we put ourselves in our lives before God and God does a scan of our life and examines us, we'll be at fault. He'll find something that doesn't glorify him, whether we're watching it, we're speaking it or we're listening to it. What do you think?
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, but that's the hard part, because secular music is all around us. It's all around us. We can't get away from it. You, you know, but just as long as that's not like the main or only thing that you're listening to. Yeah, you know, like, don't make that song, that music, who you are, you know, or don't let the artist influence you in doing stuff you know that's true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I mean even sports can be an idol. Yeah, even I mean I used to be a huge lebron james fan. I still like it, whatever, but man, I used to know all the stats of his games how many rebounds, how many assists, how many points. Yeah, I knew the year he got drafted, what high school he went to, all that stuff, right, and sometimes I'll be watching his highlights and all that and then like, slowly, god started convicting me. Like you're watching all these highlights, you're so informed about basketball, the nba, all these players, about the football teams and who's on what team and whose record is what.
Speaker 2:But how many scriptures are you learning per year? Oh, wow, you know, one time I was preaching and I asked the group of youth there I was like lift up your hands. Have you been been Christian more than 10 years? And then a couple raised their hands Raise your hand if you've been Christian for 15 years, and some have been Christian their whole life. So they lift up their hand and I said I'll give $20 if somebody comes up here and says by heart, from their memory, 10 Bible verses. And nobody could do it, and it was like not to embarrass anybody, but I just use that as a reflector, as a reflection of look, that's less than one Bible verse a year, mm hmm, we memorize what we want to memorize.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's true, you know. I mean like girls especially. You know what your man did last week.
Speaker 1:I have that memory.
Speaker 2:You know. So it's it. Just everything falls into different categories and you know, the Holy Spirit will convict us and it's up to us if we want to listen to him or just keep living, and I think that's why people reach different levels in their walk with Christ. Now to him, or just keep living, and I think that's why people reach different levels in their walk with Christ.
Speaker 1:yeah, now you've been in church for a good time, for a good while, yes, and you told me that you were in a relationship that was abusive and that was toxic. From church, from church.
Speaker 2:I met the guy at church he met the man, he met the guy at church. You would have thought that this person was maybe from the world, that maybe she met him at a club, maybe she met him at school, I don't know. But how was this relationship and how did what did you experience and how did God deliver you from that relationship?
Speaker 1:oh, wow, um, so, like I said, this is my first time ever really speaking about it. Um, so I'm going to be honest and transparent. You know what I really went through and how I feel, you know. So, like you said, I met this guy at church, you know, and you know you get to like somebody. You're just, you know, you're just getting to know them, you know. But then it got to, you know, more serious and stuff like that. And then a relationship and and it was going good, you know, I wouldn't really say it was bad, it was going good, you know. But then there would be arguments and arguments and arguments until it got to the point where he started yelling at me and you know, it started building up, so it started off him yelling at me. So I was like okay, you know. And then after that, you know, he started calling me names, cussing at me, cussing at me and saying all these names, and again I was like okay, so I was letting these things slide yeah you know.
Speaker 1:So I was like OK, whatever, and I wouldn't really yell at him back or I wouldn't like cuss at him back, because I was just so. I was like, yeah, I was scared, you know, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do, until that cussing started to him touching me. Wow, you know, the first time, like I couldn't believe it, because I was like did he really put his hands on me?
Speaker 1:like he literally hit you yeah, he literally like punched me in the face. He punched you in the face. Yeah, he did. He punched me in the face, um, you know, only once, but before that he would like grab me by my wrist really hard and he would leave bruises on my arm, on my wrist, and he would push me or he would pull my hair. You know, until, yeah, it just kept building and building, but I allowed it because I was just so used to it and I was just like, ok, Will you try to hide the bruises and stuff like that?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I would. Would you try to justify it in your mind?
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I was, it's cause, that's all I knew. Like in my head, I was thinking like, oh, it's fine, you know, it's fine Cause I didn't really know or I didn't really feel like love, you know. Like you know what I mean, like it was just, it was just hard, like I don't know necessarily I don't remember what I was really thinking. You know, it was a couple years ago, but it's still obviously traumatizing, you know.
Speaker 1:And after it kept getting worse and worse, I tried to leave. I'm like, hey, you know, and after it kept getting worse and worse, I tried to leave. I'm like, hey, you know, that's it. You know, like, yeah, this is over with this, I'm done, you know. And when I would say that I would block him, right, because I'm like I'm done, and he would show up at my house, wow, he would show up at my house and he would end up blowing up my Facebook on my post because even though, like, I blocked him, he can still comment, and those comments were cuss words like hey, you better unblock me, you better do this, you better do that, or I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1:And he wouldn't care what other people would say no, and other people would see, like my youth youth leader, my youth pastor, saw it, you know, and she brought it up to me and I was like, oh yeah, you whatever, brush it off. You know, I would try to lie to her and like, you know, like, try to hide it. And so he would just show up. And there was just this one time, um, we had an argument and we were home alone. Well, I was home alone and he was over my house, you know, and we got into an argument and then he started cussing at me and he walked out. Yeah, so I was like OK, and I locked the door and I went into my room, because every time he would cuss at me, every time he would call me a name, I would cry, like it would hurt me, it would trigger you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so when I locked the door, I went into my room and I even locked my room door as well and I started crying and I started calling out to God and I'm just like God, like why are you allowing this to happen? Like I don't get it, like I'm in church, I'm serving you 100%. You know, I met this guy at church. Like why are you allowing these things, you know, and I would pray, and I would pray. And at the time, that same moment, he I don't know how he was able to break into my house. He broke into your house, yes, like the door. Know how he was able to break into my house. He broke into your house.
Speaker 1:Yes, like the door was locked and he was able to still get in and he was outside of my room door knocking telling me to open and I was like like I couldn't believe it and I was so scared. I was scared because I'm like I'm home alone, like what is he going to do? You know, like I'm home alone, like what is he going to do. You know, like I was so scared and and it was just really hard for me to get out of that and not a lot of people knew I.
Speaker 1:If you've ever been in in an abusive relationship, you know that it's hard to open up to somebody and tell them, hey, this is what's going on. You're's hard to open up to somebody and tell them, hey, this is what's going on. You're not going to open up to somebody and tell them what you're going through until you're really ready and that's why people didn't know, you know. And until this day, um, until I told you know I, I told some leaders, I've told some friends of mine, hey, this is what I went, you know, I told some leaders, I told some friends of mine, hey, this is what I went through, you know. But mainly, my main source, my mentor. My best friend at the time was Jesus. You know, every time something would happen, I would run to God. I'd run to God. Like Jesus, help me. Like what am I supposed?
Speaker 2:to do and in that process, like, how was your self-esteem? Because you just shared some intense things like being punched in the face.
Speaker 1:By a guy.
Speaker 2:By a guy. It was horrible.
Speaker 1:Like I remember that same night I was trying to eat and I couldn't like chew because it hurt, like it was bad.
Speaker 2:And your parents didn't know this? No, it was your parents didn't know this.
Speaker 1:No, like my mom knew that he would speak to me bad, because she heard one time we were arguing he called me the B word and he walked out and she's like, don't let him talk to you like that. And I'm like, ok, but that's it. You know I would still allow it to happen. So you know, I was just scared to really reach out for help. You know, for somebody human like my mom, like my mom, my best friend, you know I tell her everything. But at the time I just couldn't tell anybody. You know, it was just always straight to Jesus Like God, help me. I would pray and I would like God like, help me, you know.
Speaker 2:Like help me, get out of this were you scared to share what was going on with somebody because you were I don't know, maybe a combination of things, but maybe embarrassed or scared for your life or afraid to get him in trouble. What was the? The reason why? I know you shared a little bit right now that it's not so easy to just trust anybody, but what?
Speaker 1:were the combination of emotions that you were feeling that made you kind of keep it under the rug. It was definitely fear, like what is he going to do, you know, because there's many stories out there where abusive relationships end up in death, wow, you know, and I was like I don't want to be that, I don't want to be six feet under because I allowed somebody to treat me bad. You know, like what are my, what are my parents going to say, you know? And I was living in fear and I remember this one time, uh, when he finally, when he finally sorry, when he finally like left me alone, like he wouldn't bother me. I remember this one time I was driving home and I was pulling up to my house and I remember seeing a car parked outside that looked like his. Wow, and I was so scared, you were shook.
Speaker 1:Yes, I was so scared, I even drove around like once, because I'm like what am I going to do, what am I going to do, do?
Speaker 2:but I was traumatized, you're like anxious and like anxiety attack.
Speaker 1:Yes, because I'm like what's going, what's gonna happen? Man, that's how traumatized and scared I was, and it wasn't even him like you were legitimately scared for your life.
Speaker 2:Yes, like you felt trapped. You felt like there was no way out. You were scared for your life. Your self-esteem was probably low.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was I like. I said, I was like this is what I deserve. That's kind of what I told myself.
Speaker 2:That's what you would think.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's what I would think, like this is what I deserve. Like I don't deserve love, I don't deserve somebody to treat me good. You know cause I didn't know what it felt like. You know, that's all I knew. That's all I knew to be in a toxic relationship, abusive relationship.
Speaker 2:And did you ever think of like hurting yourself because you were such in a bad place?
Speaker 1:Um, yes and no. Um, it wasn't so extreme, I wouldn't say, because, yes, of course, I thought about, like what if I take my life away? But I wouldn't really act on it obviously, you know, but that wasn't really a big thing in my Like a big option.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank God, you know, so you're. You're in this place of uncertainty, of fear, feeling trapped, feeling hopeless, essentially getting hurt physically and emotionally. How did God deliver you from the situation?
Speaker 1:he left me. He just stopped bothering me, just one day to another just like that yeah just one day to another. So I was just just so. I was just like okay, praise God. Yeah, I was like okay, like man, thank God, you know, like thank God, because I was living in fear, you know, I was scared and I was, I just didn't know what to do, until, you know, he finally just disappeared.
Speaker 2:So I was like okay, god, okay, god, like this was your time what do you tell that young lady that maybe right now is listening to this, going through the same exact thing you are, has low self-esteem, feels like she deserves what she's getting and she has no self-worth. And you're making a tiktok right. What would you tell her right now?
Speaker 1:I would definitely say I know. I mean, I've been through it. You know it's not easy to just go up to your mom or anybody that you're close with and tell them what's happening. You know it's not easy because I wasn't able to do it. You know. But definitely go to God. You know he's going to take you out of that situation at the right it. You know, but definitely go to God. You know he's going to take you out of that situation at the right time. You know, but you can't do it in your own strength. You know you can't do it in your own strength. You need God, like you need God to help you get out of that situation. You know, and he's going to do it.
Speaker 1:He's going to do it, um, but I just want to tell those, those girls, those ladies and men too, because men can go through it you know that that you're worthy of love, you're worthy of getting treated good and it's going to, it's going to get to you, you know, because eventually you know that that right person, that that your person is going to come. You know, but you, you can't allow these things to happen because it's just not going to come. You know you're. Yes, you know, like, like I said, it's hard, take your time, not necessarily take your time, but you know, choose wisely the the time that you spend. You know, like, are you there crying? Are you there? You know, I don't know trying to seek revenge? You know, but instead go to God because he's the only person that can take you out.
Speaker 2:Before that relationship was there any like red flags that you saw beforehand that you ignore? That if you would have paid attention to, would have prevented all of this to happen um, yeah, definitely I think one would be.
Speaker 1:Um, I mean, of course, I met his family. You know, I was able to be around his family and one thing that I saw is how his dad would treat his mom and I think him growing up and seeing that he thinks that it's okay for him to do it too, you know, and I feel like that's where he got it from. You know, learn behavior?
Speaker 2:yes, exactly that's their social determinants of health yeah, that's.
Speaker 1:That's one of the red flags, um, but definitely another one would be if he's. If you're in a relationship and your significant other is yelling at you and it leads to cussing at you, it just starts to build up from there. You know it starts to build up from there and you have to put a stop to it before it gets worse did you ever get any spiritual warnings from any spiritual leader in your life that says you shouldn't get into this relationship?
Speaker 1:hmm, no, no, no, because I was, um, I was bare, not barely going to church, but I was barely getting to know my leaders and stuff like that. They didn't really know me and they didn't really know him.
Speaker 2:Got it so yeah you told me that you work in like the mental health field as a behavioral coach, so you work with at-risk youth. You work with different. You know kids and youth that are going through things. Yeah, how has your faith and your personal experiences helped you show the love and the attention to these children?
Speaker 1:um, well, there's a lot. Um first, sadly, I'm not really able to share God with them. That's one of the policies, or what do you call it?
Speaker 1:like uh, rules yeah you know, um, but it it depends, because there was this one time, it was like a year ago this girl, her mom, uh, was you know, and she was asking, you know, the managers, you know like, hey, is it possible if she's able to go to a church? And they knew that I go to church, you know, and I was able to, like, bring her to church. I was actually like two times.
Speaker 2:So you were actually able to bring her to church.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was actually able to bring her.
Speaker 2:Got the green light from work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was clocked in at church.
Speaker 2:I was like I'm getting paid to do the Lord's will.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I love that job. It definitely has its ups and downs, but there is this one time where you know these kids have gone through a lot. They struggle through mental problems, they struggle a lot at home, they struggle with a lot, you know, because many of these kids they come back or they're coming from a mental hospital and every little thing will trigger them yeah you know, if you say no to them, if you say no, we're doing this or no, you can't do that.
Speaker 1:And there was this one time I had this kid, um, I think, oh, his mom had called me and she was like, hey, do not allow him to go to the library, because we go to the library and they play video games, you know. And she was like don't allow him to go and go play video games. And at the time he was asking me like hey, can we go to the library? I want to go play video games. And I was like no, like sadly, like no, I'm sorry, we can't. And he got triggered. He got so triggered and it was out of control I had to call the cops.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, so we have an office but it's locked up. You have to put a key right and in there we have all of our sharp items, like our knives and forks and stuff like that. So it was locked and I was there in the kitchen at the time and he was kind of going, like he was going into. Um, he was, I feel like he was kind of like bipolar, you know, it's like he remembered, he remembered and he got mad cause he wasn't going to, but then he would calm down and then he would go back to it.
Speaker 1:You know so he would it was a roller coaster, yeah, so he would tell me like, like, like, come on, like I really want to go, and I'm like no, like I'm sorry. So then I don't know where, he just like throws, like he gets up and he throws his chair in the kitchen and I was like, okay, I'm gonna keep my distance, you know. And then he started like arguing with the other kids, like cussing at them and like almost getting physical, getting in their face, you know. And I was like, okay, this guy is getting aggressive, you know. And at the time he was eating noodles and he had a fork. So I was like, okay, I'm going to take this away. I'm going to take it away because I don't know what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1:And he got so mad he's, he was like give me my noodles. He started yelling at me and I was all like I took it away because, um, he was using a fork. Yeah, you know, that's dangerous. So I took it away and I was like no, like you can't have it. Like no, no, like I'm sorry, you know. And he was going crazy and throwing stuff and like walking back and forth and stuff like that. And I was just waiting for him to calm down, you know. But then he got to the point where he looked at me and he is all like I'm going to kill you.
Speaker 2:Man.
Speaker 1:And I was like what? You're freaked?
Speaker 2:out man and I was like what You're freaked?
Speaker 1:out. Yes, and that's when he started coming towards me and we were kind of going like back and forth in the table, you know, because obviously I didn't want him to get close to me, you know, and he couldn't get to me. So then he grabbed a pan from the, from the kitchen, and he tried to go into the office and he was trying to break in and he was trying to go in to get a knife.
Speaker 2:Man to get and attack you.
Speaker 1:That's tough, but he wasn't able to. But he got even more mad because he wasn't able to.
Speaker 2:That's a tough job. People don't understand Working with these young adults well, not young adults, but these teens and all that stuff. Like you said, they do come from broken families. They come. Sometimes the parents are doing drugs or some parents are in jail and the grandma's raising them. So they lack a lot of support, they lack a lot of guidance, they lack a lot of love in their life. So then they come and they meet you and they're just resistant to any type of you know discipline or order in their life.
Speaker 2:And the best way that I approach situations like this because I worked with kids from group homes as well was, even though I can't necessarily preach to them about Jesus and stuff like that, when they're in my car and I'm transporting them somewhere, we're not going to listen to their music, we're going to listen to worship. And then there was a song from Elevation, maverick City, brandon Lake, talking to Jesus. I don't know if you've ever heard that song, but I had one of the kids from a group home and he would listen to that song and then he started singing along and he actually had a voice. I'm like, oh my God to that song. And then he started singing along and he actually had a voice. I'm like, oh my god, and he was like talking to jesus. So it was um, me planting seeds, yes, and then also, sometimes you may not be able to preach bible verses or with the bible whatever, but you can definitely preach with your life. Yeah, you can show them love, you can show them what patience looks like, what it looks to be and have self-control, what it looks like to give unconditional love. So I've invested like I would buy them something. I'll buy them a drink, I'll buy them this, I'll buy them that, yeah, and I'll break the barriers because I can't just go in there like a drill sergeant and just, you know, expect them to listen to me and follow directions I had before I can correct. You know, expect them to listen to me and follow directions I had before I can correct. I need to connect. That's true, and you know that's a world out there that is lost, that's broken. Broken families hurt people, hurt people, and we're having a society that is godless and lawless and and there's no more Jesus at the center of families. Before there there was government, before there was schools, there was an institution called family. Adam and Eve came and abled the first family, the first foundation, and when that is broken apart and we have a bunch of families that are broken, then we have a broken society. Yes, and the only one that can mend things together and transform your life is Jesus. Amen.
Speaker 2:Even if you're in an abusive relationship, even if you don't have both parents, even if you come from a family that's dysfunctional and your parents have divorced, and maybe you have a stepfather and a stepmother, god can do something new with your life. You can break the cycles, you can break the bondages. You can write a new story, a better story. And just because right now in your story you're going through a bad season, that's just a chapter. You gotta turn the page. That's just a chapter in your story and your story has a brighter future. I know it's tough being the only one in your family. Maybe that serves God like that.
Speaker 2:Yes, you said you grew up Catholic, but I know that God has a plan for your life. I know that the sacrifices that you're making are not in vain. Your pain is not in vain. In the future, some way, somehow, more than a worship leader and a singer, I believe that God is going to use you to preach, to preach the word of God, amen. I believe that God is going to open the doors.
Speaker 2:I know there is God's spirit within you. I believe that God is going to open the doors. I know there is God's spirit within you. I know you made sacrifices. I know you said no to the world, but you've said yes to God. I know that he can impregnate you with a ministry that will go way beyond your physical and natural capabilities. We do the natural, god does the supernatural. We do the physical and God capabilities. We do the natural, god does the supernatural. Yes, we do the physical and god does the spiritual. And even though man may not believe it maybe they only see the physical part god does not see the appearance, like man see the appearance. God looks at the heart. Yes, and what you have, more than than than looks, or maybe more than than talent, than looks, or maybe more than talent, what you have inside of you is a heart and a heart that wants to please the Lord.
Speaker 1:Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2:And that's what he's looking for. He's not looking for quality of sound, he's looking for quality of heart.
Speaker 1:If you're serving God and you're the only one in your family, definitely keep going. You know it's hard, it's a sacrifice, you know, because that's what, that's what I'm going through. You know, being the only one that really serves God a hundred percent is hard, but I know at the end of the day it's going to be, you know, worth it. You know, because it's really hard Many times, many times, people, you know, grow up with their parents being christian, like, oh, let me go to my parents so they can pray for me.
Speaker 1:You know, I didn't have that, I didn't have that and it's not to like, maybe talk bad about them. You know, because they're they're. They go through their own stuff, they're going through a process and I know, you know, one day they'll fully commit. You know. But, and I always say this, so if you didn't know, like, my parents aren't together, they're not together. My dad has his own family and stuff like that, and so, technically, the head of the household is my mom. You know, so, technically, the head of the household is my mom, wow, you know. And I always say this. But like, I tell her like, yes, you're the head of household, but spiritually it's me, wow, because I'm the one that stays up late at night, praying for everybody, yeah, praying for you guys. I'm the one that's taking all the hits.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because I'm the one that God is using, I'm the vessel and I'm the one that the devil is going after. Why? Because I'm fully committed to God, you know, and it's it's really hard, but I'm still here by the grace of God. You know. I definitely know that God has bigger plans. You know, god is definitely going to use this testimony to speak to others, but definitely if you're in the same position, you know, just keep going. You know, because if you give up, then the whole family is just going to fall.
Speaker 1:Wow, you know, because there's nobody sustaining it. You know, through God, of course, you know, because it's through God, but there's no prayer, there's no commitment, you know, and it's hard, and I'm still praying, you know, for the rest of my family, you know, and I feel like many times, for example, like when it's holidays, thanksgiving, christmas hey can somebody, or not, hey can somebody. But like, hey, janet, can you pray? It's always hey, janet, can you pray? There's a problem, there's a situation, there's a sickness in the family. Hey, janet, hey janet, hey janet. And I'm just like of course I'm gonna. You know, of course it's my family, I'm going to, I'm going to pray for them, you know, but it's hard, because I can't be the only one because then they get their, their prayer answered and then they forget about God. Right, and it's just like it doesn't work like that. You know it doesn't work like that and it's just, it's just hard.
Speaker 2:But well, I admire your resilience. I admire that, even though you're the only one, and just like there's other youth out there, that you know young adults or just people in in general that they're the only ones serving God. They didn't have parents to push them, they they didn't grow up in that environment, but yet they have decided to follow Jesus and they're going to have a great reward up in heaven and God is going to bless them here on earth. And even though you're pulling the weight right now, and even though you're pushing, and sometimes you know like, why am I always have to be the one praying? Even before we started this podcast, I was like, hey, today can we pray? But you know God is going to bless you with a family and you're going to change the narrative. Yes, where it's not just going to be you anymore. Just be wise in the Lord. Just, you know, keep your hand to the plow and just keep pushing through.
Speaker 2:I know it probably was hard to have parents that divorced I know that's not easy or parents that never got together. I've been there. I felt that where. You know, I grew up in a home and both my parents served the Lord and they were leaders in the church and unfortunately, due to different circumstances, they get divorced, and it just changes everything. But you know, in the middle of my loneliness, in the middle of my depression or my heartbreak, god never left me. He's my rock, my fortress and my deliverer, in whom I take refuge.
Speaker 2:And even if your mother and your father abandon you, the Lord will receive you. So God has always been there for you, jeanette, yes, definitely, and just know that his hand is upon your life and is upon all of you guys that are making the decision to serve God. Don't give up, yes, do not stop doing what's good, because at his right time, you will reap a harvest if you don't give up. And no, your story is, you know, inspirational. I see that you're sharing all these things that are very heartbreaking, that are emotional, that the normal person would have cried or you can just tell, but I can see that God has healed you and done some amazing stuff in your life, because you're sharing these things not from a wound but from a scar yes definitely.
Speaker 2:Yes, you can kind of feel some type of weight, but you're not long. You're no longer breaking down, you're no longer like a mess. You know a disaster of it, because I'm sure you've been through that season where it was just a touchy subject, a tender area in your life. But now you're able to share it, and you share it because it's something you know sensitive. But you're no longer sharing it from a wound, you're sharing it from a scar and that means God has done something in your life.
Speaker 1:And it's definitely a process and I tell a lot of people, you know, like, yes, god can use you and you know, if you tell him God, I'm a vessel, he's going to make you go through things. You know, and he allowed these things to happen and even though at the time I'm questioning, like God, why would you allow this? You know, and my pastor told me once that this, my pastor has told me this thing that has always stuck to me. And he said let's say that your life is perfect. Let's say you have no problems, no financial problems, no family problems, nothing like you're happy, you're good. He said and would you really need God?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Would you need God If everything's going perfect? Are you going to think about God? You know, and sometimes these things have to happen for you to realize that you know God's there. God is going to use this as a testimony. You know he's going to use you to help other people that went through the same thing that you did. You know, so that that has always stuck to me.
Speaker 2:You know because and life is gonna be boring like. Imagine everything was perfect in your life. How boring would life be exactly?
Speaker 2:like you need some type of stress. I saw this video that like some girl but this is not the right message but she was like I want toxic, like message those girls I know this is like straight out of the ballpark, but it just that's not the right message but like life without problems, like everything's perfect, like is there really a sense of purpose? You know, and that's true, sometimes, when our pockets get full, our faith gets empty and we need God, we need to put our trust in God and you know, as long as we're here on this earth, we'll continue to serve him, we'll continue to have faith in him. Yes, and you know what your test will bring a testimony. You know, and there's a great purpose behind your pain. Yes, and nothing is in vain. Exactly Mic drop, that's it in vain. Exactly Mic drop, that's it, that's it.
Speaker 2:Well, jeanette, thank you so much. You shared so many different things you shared about you know your, your decision to sacrifice everything for God. You know, as a worship leader, as just a person that wants to serve God, about your process on TikTok and social media and wanting to glorify the Lord. Also your process of being in a toxic relationship. Also how God has being in a toxic relationship, also how God has used you at work or the things that you've gone through, and also you know your, your issues with your family and you know what God has done and carrying that weight. But you know, just know, that God is with you, amen, Thank you. Thank you for watching another episode of Elohim podcast, a podcast about real life issues from a biblical perspective. Stay tuned for the next episode, elohim Podcast.